Following on from yesterday. I have to confess to being rather innocent in this. If a lady makes it clear she is’t interested in a romantic relationship, my response has always been fair enough; I don’t expect every lady who I find attractive to be attracted to me. I will seek somewhere quiet and cry my eyes out, but that’s for me to deal with until I’ve internalised what has occurred.
What I’ve always found very odd indeed, is the afterwards. Generally the lady in question was already a friend and I expected that to continue. So, when we next met, the lady would seem very standoffish. I didn’t get this at all! It seemed as though by merely expressing an interest in joining that person on a romantic/ sexual journey somehow that also meant I lost them as a friend too. Indeed I used to not ask female friends out on dates for fear of losing their friendship.
This begs the question, If we were already friends, the issue of a sexual relationship has already been knocked on the head, then this is the ‘friendzone’, so all should be fine. So, why were they running away?
I gather other men, are more persistent. I have observed that this ‘stratagem’ [hate the idea of strategies, but I hear a lot about them] does sometimes work, and dating is after all a numbers game. It’s a fine line, as continued persistence becomes harassment.
Another strategem, is to remain friends, but harbour a continued desire for a sexual relationship. If that is the motivation for continuing the friendship, then that is bad, to continue to carry a hopeless torch. Having said this, this desire for an attractive, wonderful amazing woman is a powerful deep emotion, it’s a complete waste of time but very ‘romantic’ to remain in this state, but you’re not exactly being a friend.
This does bother me, as I have gathered from some ladies I know, have seemed unable to accept that I’m no longer considering a sexual relationship with them, but remain a friend. Am I supposed to be unable to get over rejection? I am friends with ladies I find attractive, really all my friends, of all genders and sexualities are people I love and I have made a connection to, but not seeking anything ‘happening’.
Is that I am comfortable and happy in the ‘friendzone’ unusual? Being an outsider and thus perhaps more socially suspect, does this make some people question my motivations, am I being limped together with other social misfits who have issues to deal with? It’s a crazy world, as is often said ‘Love is shit’*
I appreciate writing this is very personal, but I really don’t care anymore. Fear is stupid.
*Actually love is the best